Roast my landing page for my new sales tool

Activate your inner sales person.. you might know me a bit and I send you a pm on linkedin or else.. does this trigger your interest? Do you "buy"? Where do I fail to convince you?

Thank you so much!

  • The page has no personality. It seems like a random, poorly designed theme with an irrelevant stock photo. It doesn't inspire confidence as well. I'd be happy to provide more comments on why I think the theme is poorly designed if you're interested. (mostly typography)
  • There are many prospecting services. Your page doesn't tell me why yours is better or even how it's different
  • It lacks any credibility. You mention the "team" (you), which is a good start, but you don't provide "proof" of why we should trust you.
  • Language like "CASH IN" is a big turn off for me. Makes it sound like some sort of pyramid scheme.

I'm not your target market (I'm not interested in using a prospecting tool), so I'd recommend reaching out to people you think are potential customer. Ask them to be critical. Explain your product through conversational language. Take note of any questions/criticism they have. Come up with solid answers. Refine your explanation over time. Up until they are truly excited to give your product a try. Then convert this conversational explanation to a landing page.

Ouch, that hurts a bit ;) but it helps even more - thanks a lot Marc!

My first 30 second thoughts:

  • wow, you can find them out of thin air? Who are you, Hans Klok the magician?
  • Use the machine to find prospects? I want to read you either work your ass off for me or have an automated solution with the stats to prove one of them will get me x prospects in a month
  • No pricing? I would not going in when I don't get an indication of what it would cost to get the gains from your services... That feels like obligating myself to a blank contract. No way, Jose.
  • Ow, and the visuals? I love the guy in the mountains and all the freedom it expresses, but then I get trapped into city life again?.


Think of how you want the reader to feel, check how you can show them what they'll be in for (what gains are there) and how much it might cost them ( or how they payment structure is setup).
And tell them straight out what value you provide and how that works.

All the best with your services! ✌🏻

Thank you Edwin, very helpful. Great that you like the guy on the mountain :) Pricing and specifics missing - I read you, am working hard to figure this out right now ;)

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